You know... realistically I don't know what to suggest to you about this. I've not read about anyone developing ABDL-related interests as a result of going on testosterone. But, of course, that doesn't mean it couldn't happen. Perhaps the testosterone has awakened some latent aspects of your psyche that, up to now, lay dormant?

I, myself, am AMAB. But I've struggled with my gender identity my entire life although I never did anything about it. (For most of my life I didn't know there was anything I could do.) However, at the same time, I also experienced urges (compulsions really) related to things that would now fall within the realm of what is referred to as the "ABDL lifestyle". And somehow the two became inextricably intertwined. Here again though, for most of my life, there was no such thing (at least as far as I was aware) as an ABDL community. I've only quite recently become aware of that. And, at this stage of my life, most of it is behind me now.

It does appear to me that ABDL-related interests seem to be more prominent among biological males than biological females. So perhaps there is a neurological / hormonal link between having male hormones & being AB, DL, or ABDL? I don't know. But it's an interesting thought. This would be a question that would be interesting to pose on an ABDL website.

I do think your comments regarding your reactions to wearing diapers & having ordered a onsie & adult pacifiers are very much in line with what I have read especially from people who are new to the ABDL scene. Regardless of how open a person is to the idea of being ABDL, there almost always seems to be an undercurrent of shame that has to be dealt with. (I certainly feel it myself even though I'm not actively ABDL at this late stage in life.) I suppose it has to do with the way society at large views the idea of adults wearing diapers, onsies, etc. Even individuals who are medically incontinent seem to struggle with having to wear diapers at least in the beginning.

I don't know about the idea of childhood neglect being a cause of a person becoming ABDL. It may be a possibility I suppose at least in certain cases. A couple of weeks or so ago I answered the questions in Dr. Jonice Webb's CEN Questionnaire to which there is a link in PC's archives (or at least there was up until recently. I haven't been back there since we learned Psych Central has been sold to Healthline.) Anyway, in reading through the questions in Dr. Webb's questionnaire, I felt I could honestly answer yes to every question. So, based on that, I presume I perhaps experienced some CEN during my growing-up years.

I also experienced some physical abuse growing up as well... both at home & throughout both junior & senior high school. So these all may have been contributing factors too although, looking back (to the extent I am able to so many decades later) it seems as though my gender identity issues for sure, & likely my ABDL-related tendencies as well, became established well before the abuse I experienced occurred. So my inclination would be to say that my neglect & abuse experiences didn't so much cause my gender identity & ABDL issues. Rather... those neglect & abuse experiences simply inflamed what was already there. At least that's the way it appears to me now.

Anyway... thanks for posting this thread. I appreciated having the opportunity to reply. Hopefully something I wrote is of at least some small bit of help, or at least interest, as you try to unravel the experience you're having.