I am feeling so guilty right now.

I took the girls in this morning. They had a rough couple of days. I kept thinking I could have one more week with them. I was so focused on having that little bit of extra time with them that I didn’t give them the compassion they truly needed. Their last couple of days were hard on them and I never wanted that for them.

Both girls were 14. They have been together every single day the past 12 years. They had a brother they lost and grieve over 4 years ago. They got me through some really really tough times in my life. They were sweet but they were sassy little bossy things too.

I wish I had been thinking more logically. I didn’t want to let go. Last night was particularly rough for them and nothing I did was helping them relax. I ended up just at a loss and exhausted while one of them barked a lot. I keep thinking I should have consoled her better and I don’t know what I was thinking. I feel horribly guilty.

I did spend several hours holding and loving on them this morning. We got them to the vet and they were treated so kindly and lovingly by the vet and his vet tech. They got to be together with us holding them until the very end, touching paws.

My heart is broken and the guilt is eating me up.