Hey.

I posted topic almost 5 months ago here.
https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...sted-life.html

Yet I didnt do anything as always. Not sure if ever will.


It took me few months to realize that everything I deal with these days is due to thinking issues. When I hear sometimes " if you put your mind to it, you will achive anything you want or mind is the most powerful thing we have" etc. Im like what the hell mind is? I dont feel it, I dont understand it, i cant really use it.


I question if I have schizophrenia or if im autistic.
- i have no feelings to my family members
- i isolate from them, i dont really care to be honest how are they
- i have no friends

- i dont plan anything even a day ahead
- i quit college in 2015 because i felt so much pressure in my head
- its very hard for me to speak in logical way, to make sense, not to be lost in words, in what i want to say.

- my head is almost always empty, i have nothing to say to anyone about anything
- i dont care about my health ( i got eye floaters, pain in eyes, teeth that shoud be fixed years ago,

- i dont think about future

I could keep going wwith that list. Its like I have no clue why im even alive... there is nothing out there in the bigger picture. This life is really pointless.

I got to be realistic that if I was my whole life like that I will probably stay like that? Not sure what to do, i dont want spend money on psychiatrists. They really charge $300-500 for vistis which is super insane in this covid world. Not to say medications cost. I really dont know what to do or think...