Read Gerry Spence's How to Win Every Argument. I put his ten points on 3x5 cards to flip through to get his essentials into my bones.
Found a speed bump: GS had a different context than I have. He's in court, I'm in mixed contexts. This is huge. In court, there's a process officer called a judge. Everyone needn't be persuaded, just the 12 on the jury. There are strict, ancient, rules that the judge enforces about decorum, civility, turn-taking, evidence, and so on.
In life, no judge, unclear norms and rules, not sure who needs to be persuaded, and no agreements on valid evidence, and what proves something right and true. I'm often dealing with identity issues, people claiming they feel hurt from another's behaviors (sometimes my behavior), and have vague or nonexistent measures for what makes for a "exit"—when they feel satisfied enough to allow other business to proceed.
Still, the general principles may apply. Right now, I'm focused on coming off as steadier, grounded, and confident. I feel that, but I have given myself permission for a greater display of my feelings that I notice practically anyone with an European American background displaying.
One idea that's I'm meditating on is: Logic helps reveal the truths. Stay calm and connect their dots. I'm an intuitive in the Myers-Briggs test, so my mind works in flashes. Not all can see where my connections connect. So, slow down, start slow, small steps, doublecheck people staying with me as I go, and connect their dots.
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