Not good.

I came close to going to the ER and getting a hold placed on me. Decided against it (my crisis hotline suggested I go as I had a bad thought about suicide) because Covid freaks me out and keeps me from going. I need to sleep. I slept about three hours last night into this morning (Went walking early this morning with my husband which added maybe thirty extra minutes to my sleep to get the three hours total). The night before that two hours.

Going to the my old pdoc on Wednesday. I need something to clear the disconnect because the insomnia's not going away without me cleaning the mania or whatever the hell is going on. I'm tired. I'm weepy. I am a mess and feel incredibly isolated and alone, even though I'm not.

I just want to fix my brain. I'm not having a good time.