I couldn't find an icon that could adequately express my sorrow for your pain. This may or may not be helpful to you but rather than being "pathetic" as you described yourself, I think you are strong to have survived that abuse. I think you are strong to get help to try to understand the whys of your pain. I think you are strong to come to this group, express your pain, and let others surround you with their care and concern. Thats why I awarded you a gold ribbon - maybe you are stronger than you think.