Im not sure if what I'm going to write is what You meant ...but I have attempted suicide several times in the past ...the closest I git was October 2nd 2002 ... I overdosed on over 70 or 80 pills ...I don't know the exact amount but I know roughly is about that many. 2 different types of medications ....and alcohol ....I had been depreseed that whole summer .....I was working overnights doing stock work ....whenever I went through times of depression I always saufht out jobd working 2nd or 3rd shifts. Mostly in warehouses where not alit people worked those shifts
That day I had been crying all day ...I called do called friends to talk to but they were too busy doing things with their wives ....I had planned on taking those pills for almost a month but that day the depression hit hardest and that night I took the pills
Ended up having two seizures ,in ICU for days ,I wasn't happy when I woke up ....I did want to die....
Niw I was missing work without pay ...with rent and bills to pay ...I when git mad at Dr who saved my life
Needless to say after a weekend in ICU I had to go mental health hospital . .the pharmacist there had to know what I took before dr could prescribe any meds ...after I told her she said the amount of pills I took and what they were in top of alcohol I should be dead ...she said someone up there must want me around awhile longer ....
Sometimes I wonder why ? .....
A cousin of mine shot himself several years ago ...tho it was sad I understood why he did it ...he too had a rough life .....tho I know how messed up this might sound but In a way I envied him for suceeding where I failed ...
I'm not suicidal now but honestly with all going on sometimes I wish I suceeded that night ....
I don't mean to sound so depressing ....earlier this year I lost another close friend to suicide ....I miss her but understood why ....
I keep going everyday holding on to some kind of hope ....
Thank You for letting me share this ....also want to let everyone know I'm not in a crisis ....I'm kinda depressed with all going on but I know what to do if I was in a crisis I would call crisis line ...
I just felt this was something I needed to share ....
Please stay safe everyone ok ....
We have to hold on to hope ....it's what keeps me going ....