After 2 days of normalcy (after 3 weeks of deep depression), I am symptomatic again, but going the other way.

Day before yesterday I got very very energetic and on top of the world. As good as it felt, I knew I was headed for trouble. And yet, instead of doing something useful (like planning to call my pdoc, or even going for a walk with a friend to rid myself of some of the excess energy), I had some 4 gin and tonics and was only able to sleep after them and of course all of my meds.

I removed temporary additional 50 mg of Zoloft from my pill boxes.

Now I was an alcoholic for many years up until about 15 years ago. Now, I have the very occasional social drink and I can easily stop after just one. And here I am.

And then yesterday, I was also very energetic, but also very irritable. I drank again, and then aside from the rest, I felt down (big surprise).

I put the additional 50mg of Zoloft back in their boxes.

I know I'm playing around with alcohol and meds to control these symptoms and it's not a good idea. If this continues today, I'll call my pdoc. We have an appointment for Friday.

I don't understand what is going on. I don't know if this is part of the depressive episode that now has become mixed. I don't know if this is hypomania, because it used to go the other way for me (hypomania THEN depression). I'm so confused, I feel awful, and I so wish I could fix this myself.