I fell back into a depressive episode and my pdoc suggested ECT again despite the fact she knows that I view this treatment negatively. I’m not here to debate ECT, but general anesthesia, inducing seizures, potential memory problems, lack of knowledge of mechanism of action, possibility of placebo effect. Too much for me. If it is something you have chosen, that is your right, just like it is my right to feel the way I do.

To be honest, if I had the money for ECT, I’d get a therapist instead. If I had the social support (family and friends) To drive me to and from treatments and pick my kids up from school and activities, I probably wouldn’t need therapy.

Why doesn’t my doctor understand that in this global pandemic I am literally sitting alone all day with no one to talk to at all. Of course Imbdepressed. My kids went back to school and that has added stress and I’m also sleeping much less as a result. ECT will not change the circumstances of my life. It will not magically cure me of depression that I’ve had since childhood. It will not fix PTSD or OCD. It won’t fix my marriage or my children with autism. It won’t make me less alone. I literally don’t even have a friend or family member that I can talk about this with except my husband ... not even my own mother. I wish there was a magic wand but there isn’t. I feel so alone.