Warning, this update could be lengthy!

Lockdown has been a very interesting experience. I've continued to shop for her and worked out a very good system for socially distancing. My brother suddenly stopped his visits and providing meals. My aunt continues to visit although she's now subject of my mother's wrath.

One day, my aunt used the wrong words when advising my mother that she would do a job for her. They had a row, culminating in my aunt saying she would only do what she was asked to do, not offer. For nearly two months, my mother has criticised my aunt to me, expecting me to agree with her.

About four weeks ago, mother had a fall. Neighbour heard her cries so came to her rescue. It was same day as mother and aunt had another exchange of views. She didn't need hospital treatment and didn't want me to tell brother or aunt. Two weeks later, brother asked to meet me at mother's house to discuss how to help her. First, his attitude when arriving was rude and arrogant, maybe because I got there first. Then he threatened to walk out within ten minutes because I produced a notebook to write down anything I needed to do. After that discussion, he apologised for telling me the F-off last time we met. I thanked him and said it had taken a long time. He said no, he had intended to do it when he saw me.

We then discussed situation between his wife and me (post: my sister in law lashed out at me). When I tried to say anything, he talked over me. Did raise my voice. Was not surprised by his bullying tactics, he's a dinosaur when it comes to human dynamics. Then my mother showed her true colours by actively criticising me in front of him. The whole time he had a smug grin on his face.

Today was shopping day. Mother tried to engage me again in criticising aunt, by saying she had been cast aside in favour of her friends. I know my aunt is very upset by my mother's attitude, we've talked about it. As I did, she's written everything down to try and understand. Her daughter and a friend have advised that she continues to visit. I've asked my mother what would happen if my aunt and I stopped helping her; she said she'd have to get a cleaner. Also, my brother can't do anymore because he's so busy and well thought of at work.

I'm learning to zone out the constant comments that her state of mind and health are due to what's happening in the family. She seems incapable of accepting that her son has done anything wrong and can't tell him his behaviour is unacceptable. As a result, my aunt and I are now bearing the brunt of this behaviour.