That sounds very overwhelming and lonely. I’m glad you’ve found this forum to get support. Therapy may be a good idea so you are not carrying the emotional weight and stress on your own. There are many low cost therapists depending on your insurance.

Having social supports would be a huge resource in these times.. i will say that you are not alone in what you are going through. it feels impossible to start new relationships during a global pandemic.

Also.. Your doctor needs to respect your decision.. he/she should go over options but you are the one who gets to choose. there is no singular solution to supporting your mental health.