My life isn't that bad. I mean, it isn't fantastic, but whose is?

I hate change. Abhor it. Loathe it. Why am I not happy? I'm on ADs, I was in counselling (up until 2nd week of April) ... I have supportive friends, and nothing bad has happened...

Why am I not happy? Why can I not just flip a switch and automatically feel better?

I have been told some fairly insensitive things recently, which has caused me much grief and hurt... but am I going to be upset at these people? No, because it will solve nothing. Except apparently I'm not allowed to bottle either.

I'm sick of trying to fix myself. I don't want to examine my past. I don't want to plan for the future. I just want to SIT HERE. Okay? Okay... it's not okay. It's a bad idea. I just know things will go to *#!$ in a handbasket very soon because change and me don't get along.

I just want to sit in bed and cry. Eat lots of junkfood. But that will make the depression worse, make me fatter and then subsequently more miserable and everyone will worry about me.

And some part of me is still hanging in there... although sometimes I wonder how I've made it to this point.

Strange... What is it like to be truly happy? Apparently I've got no idea. I can't tell you how I feel (really), and I don't want to rehash the past since I'm working on it by my lonesome, as I've always done (and it seems to work for me sometimes).

Right now I want:
- My brain to like me
- My body to like me
- Me to like me
- Everyone else to like me
- Things in my life to work out
- And a little bit more time for me to unwind with all these things that are going to be happening soon...

Kapeesh? That's what I want.

... wow, I sound grumpy.