Edit note: I used that computer voice dictation thing when writing this, so there's a bunch of typos.

I moved to a new apt a few days ago. Its been really disorienting. I was excited at first. But I really just wanted to move out of my previous apt.

The new place, is independent housing program (affordable housing / subsidized). My landlord is a mental health org. They were looking for someone to live here with a mh diagnosis, and in treatment. They are all volunteers I just found out. Maintenance does not even ****ing get paid and the woman who I've dealt with about,maintenance issues is a mixed bag. She triggered me today. Like literally triggered. I'm still thinking about it.

There were mouse droppings, copious amounts, under a drawer. They were old, but I was worried about disease and virus, so I asserted myself. I said to my landlord it's a health hazard and I'm not going to clean it myself.

Today the woman who I typically deal with about maintenance issues texted me 5 minutes before she came over. What the f***? I didn't even see her text when she knocked on my door. That's not reasonable notice. She told me she was here to clean up the mouse poop. I felt bad, and I said that I didn't mean for her to have to clean it. And she snapped at me like she *****ed me. She said things like did you get my email? We are volunteers. There's no one else to do it. She sounded really mean. And it really bothered me. I started walking away, and then she started being nice. I brought up to her that I felt bad and didn't wasn't expecting her. She even started be more gentle and said she didn't mind and if she deals with mice at her own house.

So that was my experience with that. I was hoping to live here for a while. I'm just triggered right now and I don't want to tell people in my life because I'm afraid they're going to feel sorry for me. And that's not what I want. People feeling quote on quote sorry for you, is the worst feeling and it is unwanted. If you were blind, would you want people feeling sorry for you that you were blind? No. This is the same thing. But I'm triggered. Not sure how to get this out of my head tonight.

There's some good things about my apartment to. There are no mice here right now. It's a big spacious apartment. My neighbor is nice. It's quiet. And I am out of my old apartment were there were many problems that I was not happy with. Oh and my rent is really decent and affordable.

I get that this woman may not have wanted to do this job at first, but when I called, I was in no hurry to get it done. I just mentioned it, use the word health hazard, and said I wasn't going to do it because I was uncomfortable. I was nice about it, I will always nice. I'm just really triggered. At least I don't have to live with her. But it's not my problem that this organization is running an apartment and all they have is volunteers. I think I did the right thing. I should not have to clean up Mouse s***. It was a there way before I got there. She also softened after a few moments of being here and after spilling her b**** vomit all over the place. But I'm really stuck on the way she acted when she first came in.

I think I need to talk to my therapist. I think I will call their tomorrow. If anybody has any advice for me and how I can cope with this, or support, without acting like you feel sorry for me, I appreciate it. We do what we have to do in life. Things are not always sunshine and roses, despite what some people who are really comfortable in their own houses and lives may feel, or what Society and media tells us. But I just really feel like I need support. Maybe this isn't a big deal, but it's a big deal to me. I have trauma and it's a trigger for me when people are mean to me.