i have been ['put'] thru soooo much the past 2 years, even more so the past almost 5 years! in the last eighteen months, i've had more doctor appts than number of total weeks!!! plus ten of the last eleven months i've added a new medicine! and all that doesn't include all the 'non-physical' trauma (or h**l) i've been thru.

and i just can't keep doing this anymore! i just don't have the fight left in me. even now, i know i should keep talking on here or reach out to my t, yet everything inside me screams "don't" and there's nothing left to counter that. i'm even crying right now cuz of how difficult it is just to type this!

found out today that i'm being sent to an internal medicine specialist, to find out what's going on (given the physical symptoms i'm having)! i'm literally beyond terrified. this means continued or more doctoring and appts & scans/tests. and ... i ... just ... can't ...
there are days that i barely eat and it doesn't matter -> THAT'S where i'm at
[struggling in ways i never have before... yet so alone after the losses...]