I agree that you were completely in the right to ask for what you asked not for. See, it seems to me you didn't ask for what you wanted, you asked for what you didn't want. And I feel T2 was way out of bounds for not honoring that boundary. Cuz, lets be honest, isn't saying "hey don't do x", establishing a boundary? Sure T2 needs to be who she is, she can be that while still respecting a boundary.

Where you able to articulate that you were looking for a container, a place to let out the energy that built up from the exchange with your husband? You state in this thread that you want a container (very clearly) but did you say that in your email? It's great to get support when one needs some, but sometimes we get so charged by exchanges we really do just need to vent them out to find the calm again. So it's completely ok to just need a container. You've been working with your T1 for a while now, so more than likely that type of understanding has come about over the building of your relationship there.

You do not include her actual response; so it is a bit hard to know if your "not working well with women" is clouding your perception of her response. It's possible that someone else may have seen her response as being a container. It's also possible that early on with T1, he may have made similar faux pas; however, being a man, you gave him more space to make those types of mistakes. It's also possible that being a man, he doesn't use the same type of nurturing/supportive statements that set you off that women use. Women and men in general do communicate differently and there maybe simply something different in the way a typical woman communicates that is associated with something inside you.

TBH - I can't have a feminine T (male or female), I struggle with femininity. My T is female and clearly female; however, she doesn't wear makeup, perfume, and for therapy, she dresses pretty sporty/outdoorsy. There was a period of time our first year, that she had her nails done up. I almost had to quit if that didn't go away. It did and they haven't come back. I figure she must have had some event or something. It is always a distraction when she wears something more feminine. As a female at birth gender non-confirming (leaning towards FTM), I know a lot of these feelings/issues come from gender stuff. I'm far from being able to or willing to tackle those issues. So -- kudos to you for trying to explore where you have issues with women.