I had an episode where I was going to go to the hospital a few weeks ago. What helped was calling the on-call psychiatrist and she made some quick changes in my meds and just going to bed early one night. I understand how hard it can be though when feeling like that. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself or soothe yourself? Hope that might help. There is also a service called Samaritans.org where you can email someone if you're having thoughts of self-harm. They are confidential and I've used it before. I hope that helps.