A lot of the things you are describing do sound pretty minor, and pretty typical. If you have chronic pain collecting disability may be your only option, since many employers are unwilling to work around many special requirements you might have due to your condition. Just because you have bad thoughts directed toward someone who abused you doesn't mean you caused anything bad to happen to them, thoughts are just thoughts, and those particular thoughts seem understandable. It's just the depression talking to you trying to find everything you have ever done or said that could be construed as less than perfect behavior.