How long have you been feeling this way (I see where you said you haven't had clarity in a while)? Sometimes we can feel better the next day if we can just get a good nights sleep. Please forgive yourself for your past choices--we ALL have made bad ones, even people who have no diagnosis. Just look at the people in charge. I do think it is smart to be careful who you tell--both for their sake and ours. Any other distractions (so hard to find right now) you can think of besides alcohol? Do you get outside any? It is a three day weekend so I know you likely don't have a T or psych if you see one regularly. Hang in there. Hugs.