It appears (knock on wood) that I'm coming out of the mixed episode.

But now I'm feeling some confusion and a good deal of anxiety about getting back to life as I knew it before this all started, now I guess about a month ago.

Maybe it's the Zyprexa, or in part, but I don't feel like all of 'me' is still there. I don't know if this makes any sense. I just feel like I haven't come around to being fully me yet.

At the worst of this episode, I looked in the mirror, at my eyes, and it wasn't me, or so I thought. It was a horrific feeling and something similar had happened during a manic episode, but then I thought I could see the monster inside of me through my eyes. Now I see most of me, but not all of me...

I can't wait to get off the Zyprexa. I'm supposed to email my pdoc on Monday and then I'll see her sometime next week.

I think I just need a little more time to come back fully into myself.