Or certainly not as nice as he initially seemed, I guess.
Not sure if this is the right forum, it doesn’t have much purpose other than to get things off my chest. I feel a little disturbed, even though it’s been over 4 years since I split with him, so at the same time I feel a bit stupid to feel like this. I feel like I need to write it down, though.
It wasn’t huge things, but stuff I remember him doing and not liking at the time, but because of my emotional/psychological state (depressed, confused, tired, verging on panic attacks... sometimes happy but overall really anxious. I tried to fight these feelings thinking I might “calm down” and things would feel clearer eventually. I just got worse, though, until I ended things) I never really challenged it.
He would sometimes try and hold me in place when we hugged on the bed, even when I said I wanted the toilet.
Kept badgering me to do a certain thing (that would be painful for me) in sex. Was also difficult to pull his hands away when he was hurting me; he always had to carry on a few seconds longer. On top of that, asked me to use a “code word” instead of just “stop” during arousal. I had already said, sometimes it just got too intense for me and I’d prefer to stop or slow down for a bit. Maybe he was using that to his advantage, as it was then harder for me to get the words out, but I had trusted him. More fool me.
Said he’d go to the doctors with me for a therapy appt if I booked one, but when I asked later if he’d still come, he just looked at me like I’d sprouted another head.

Easy to annoy and would sulk at what I thought were minor things, including asking him to put his phone away for a bit while we were waiting for lunch in a pub. Think this was 3rd or 4th date.
Trying to look at stuff I was doing on my phone.
Always had to be right.
Openly showing attraction to another young lady who briefly joined our art group. Like, he literally threw himself across the room to get a closer look. Maybe thought he was Superman going to save Lois Lane! Later he was also hovering in doorways she happened to be near I was jealous at that time but laugh at how stupid it was, now.
He wasn’t all bad, but looking back and reading what I’ve written I’m glad we didn’t stay together. I do honestly know not all of this is abusive stuff, it just bothers me that I was in too much of a fog to really do what was best for me at the time until I’d had enough of feeling batpoop crazy because of the anxiety etc.