But I don't like the idea of thinking of myself as lazy - I mean.. I wouldn't tell someone else they're lazy, it wouldn't be kind. Esp if they have rheumatoid arthritis & can barely get out of bed. My drill sgt from the military at this point would be like - 'nah, man, go on ahead and go sit down & rest. Making coffee is tough.' LOL! So I have an inner critic that has unrealistic expectations, and is unkind. Sounds like my parents from when I was little, which is likely where it comes from. I would like to get rid of that. I cut off relations w/ my actual parents when I turned 18 bc of all the ugly stuff they said/did - and realizing that I've been carrying that soundtrack around w/ me for the past 30 yrs really kind of annoys me.
I don't want to agree with them that I'm lazy. Which is probably why I push myself so hard no matter how bad I feel. 'call me lazy? I'll put in 100 feet of fence while about to pass out from heat and pain! Ha, there, I showed you!' *eye roll*)
Realizing as I type this that I have 2 modes:
1 - refute what they said. (I'm stupid? Fine, I'll get graduate degrees. I'm lazy? Fine, I'll join the military! I'm ugly? Fine, I'll have zillions of boyfriends. I'll never achieve any kind of success? Etc etc.)
2 - accept what they said and agree with it (Yes, I am lazy. I'll just sit here and hate myself for being lazy. Yes, I am stupid, I'll just sit here and hate myself for being stupid. Yes, I am ugly, I'll just sit here and hate myself for being ugly. Etc)
Like - there are only 2 options. I think there's a third option - but I can't quite wrap my head around it.