Yes, it can be a challenge for many to struggle with those two options constantly. And unfortunately many parents and adults often don't realize they are constantly causing that very challenge in their children. What you are describing of dealing with these two options is called cognitive dissonance. (the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.)
The inner critic isn't always a voice either, often it's also emotional confusion as well.

When you put that fence in despite the heat and having the arthritus, the important person that needs to appreciate that is YOU. That's the third option you keep struggling with. But, you are not alone with that challenge, MANY struggle with this type of challenge.