It's been a long day today. I feel awful for complaining when so many others are in the midst of horrible wildfires, or having horrible anxiety attacks over night, or aren't sleeping, or rough appointments, but I do have to vent in these last days before my work hands me my papers. I've been balanced on paranoia and anxiety over the past weeks as it is.

My manager, her manager, their manager, and the Vice President overseeing us all have in their own ways all made it known that they are 'aware' of what is going on. For instance, I went over my boss when she cancelled my last two 1:1s. They don't feel its prudent at the time to have 1:1s with me. I'll know more in a few weeks. I mentioned that I haven't been assigned work in over 60 days. They are aware. I have been working on projects that I have found that require work, but I am not certain it aligns with the vision of the organization. I'll learn more in a few weeks. I have no key performance indicators. I'll learn more in a few weeks.

I get a strange email from an external source with a throwaway hotmail saying, "You are one of five people that they are laying off in September. I can't tell you more without losing my job."

So here I sit, waiting to see what my severance package will look like. It's amazing that corporations play games with lives in this day and age.

I need to find a job that's healthier for me. I just also need to make money. This frigging blows.