Hello fgw: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

You mentioned you're not in therapy anymore. You didn't mention if you're on any psychiatric medication. Perhaps some ongoing therapy along with the possible consideration of some appropriate medications might be things that would be of help?

At the end of your post you asked when this is going to end for you. The way it is going to end, from my perspective, is to get the professional mental health care you need. I hope you do. But, in the meantime, I hope you find PC to be of benefit.