My boyfriend (13 years my senior) and I have been together for about 12 years. Most of that time we've been cohabiting and splitting our bills down the middle. I recently moved out several months ago however, because I experienced a disappointing lack of support and regard from him while I went back to school to finish my degree and held a job as a domestic worker. He is unemployed (going on a year and a half now). He hasn't settled on a line of work that he enjoys, and has done a number of things in the past, including getting his real estate license, but hasn't pursued a job or made any deals yet. He's an artist as a hobby and he's talented. He's very intelligent, and has tons of potential, but struggles with motivation and seems quite lost in life. He seems to want to work for himself or find some way to gain "passive income" but that doesn't really appear to be in the works.
Before I moved out he was unwilling to be very helpful around the house in a number of ways and also would/could not contribute financially to getting our apartment deep cleaned or fumigated for pests after we had an issue. Our apartment was getting dirty and rundown, and I felt exhausted and exasperated after long days of school and work. I felt that I often had to struggle to improve our standards of living on my own and I didn't like some of the ways he was treating me and talking to me. I brought this to his attention and would usually be met with resistance, hostility, and gaslighting. So I moved out, and he finally agreed to go to couple's therapy with me to repair the relationship. We've been going for months and while I see some improvements, and he claims to have changed, he continues to live the same lifestyle. As his unemployment funds run dry, I don't see him looking for reliable work.
As I get older I'm watching friends and colleagues get married, set long term goals, have families, buy homes, go on vacations, etc. and I feel like a sad onlooker through the glass of a window to a world that I can't access. I will always love my partner of 12 years. He's an attractive, charismatic, funny, loyal and unique man who I know loves me dearly. I care for him deeply. However, he's just lost and immature for his age and I don't think couple's therapy can solve that. Am I going to regret spending so much time in counseling with him years from now? Should I tell him to let me know when he gets his act together?