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Originally Posted by jesyka
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My male friend was an ***! He really hurt me! I'll talk more about him in another post soon and that night. He was always nice to me until that night! I think that he took out a lot of his frustration out on me. I never thought he'd treat me like that.
My second friend thought she knew it all. See my response to Roxanne. She didn't apparently. And and the friend who repeated herself loved to judge me and she tried hard to try to control me acting like she was trying to help me. I think that she was jealous of me since she lives at home and I don't have to work hard like she does.
As for my MIL< see my previous response to Roxanne again. I think that she was upset that her son didn't marry someone from their country. What an evil woman! I regret not calling the cops in all but three of these situations.
I agree with what you said. I call people out on their crap when they do it. I don't care if that upsets them. They should know better. Especially as adults in the 40-80 plus range!
I don'[t understand why they'd try to control me. I was nice to them until them showed me their ugly side. Is it possible that I never saw the real them? Are there any red flags that I can look out for to avoid abusive freaks like them in the future? Not be open and vulnerable and taking my time in getting to know people a lot better over time is the only thing I can think of.
I'd appreciate any advice or other insight you can share with me.
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You can take your time getting to know people at a pace that is comfortable for you. And when you do this just make sure you set boundaries and be consistent with those boundaries. Also, practice being a good listener. You could be a good listener already, but people who like to control and manipulate others have a tendency to contradict themselves a lot.
Watch their actions. Do what they say and what they do match up? How do they treat their friends? Their family? Does this person sound self-entitled? For example, do they have a tendency to act like someone owes them something? Do you find yourself drained whenever you spend time with this person? Do they have a habit of trying to pressure you even though you're adamant about your stance on a subject? Do they have a habit of throwing tantrums?
There's lots of articles out there on the red flags of controlling and abusive behavior. Like this one:
Controlling Behavior: Signs, Causes, and What To Do About It | Supportiv
Don't be quick to dismiss articles that are aimed toward romantic relationships. Those same red flags can pop up in friendships too. I think you're doing a great job at recognizing this behavior to be honest. You won't always catch these types of people right away. When you do, don't be afraid to put up boundaries or even cut them off or establish distance. Do what's right for your mental health.