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teenagemutant
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Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Georgia
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Sep 11, 2020 at 03:22 AM
 
Hello, this is my second thread so far, I’m new to this site and still navigating it...
As said before in my previous thread, I am not clinically diagnosed with OCD or depression, but I have shown symptoms of them from an early age, and I’ve struggled with both heavily the past 6-7 years.
It is currently 4am where I am, (I know this will take a while to post, but this is the time I’m writing this) and I’m not really sure what I’m trying to achieve by posting this but I just need something to pour my problems and late night thoughts into.
So without further ado... the past month or so I have struggled with sleeping at a decent time. I bought melatonin and it worked well the first few nights, but I have been taking it the past 2-3 weeks or so and I’ve still been able to stay awake all night long... Not really sure what that means but my sleep schedule’s been off for months now and I fall into the same cycle every night of telling myself “you GOTTA go to bed at 10...” and then time goes by and suddenly it’s 11, and then it’s the same thing again and again until fate decides whether I sleep or not.
Now that that’s out of the way, my second thing is that I am TERRIFIED of the future...... not trying to make “old” people feel bad but I am currently 18 years old and the thought of being 35-40 years old really scares me.... I just feel like any and all of my youthfulness will be gone and I’ll have nothing left to live for except for retirement and possibly grandkids if I decide to have children... But even then I don’t want to imagine myself being “old” , I just want to be young forever and I seriously would rather die before I could even be truly old...
Alright I have one more thing but it’s a good thing! Yay!! So I have recently fell in LOVE with a band... it’s just something about their music that makes my life a tad bit brighter. When I listen to music, I like to listen to the entire album in order. I’ve always known about this band and one day I just decided to listen to one of their songs and see what the hype was all about... that was as least 2 1/2 months ago and I don’t think I’ve stopped listening to them on repeat since.
Okay, okay, okay, I think I’m finally done rambling on and on about some of the silly thoughts that plague my mind every day....

Until next time...
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*Beth*, eskielover, Open Eyes, possum220
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*