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Lonelyinmyheart
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Default Sep 11, 2020 at 07:12 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBear34 View Post
Wow! I really miscalculated! Met with my therapist yesterday. I told her that I was feeling better and my feelings for her are beginning to fade. She told me that she is uncomfortable with my feelings, that I crossed a line, and was making the therapy about her rather than about me. I asked her if she had seen transference in other clients - I guess I was hoping she would say yes and tell me it is not uncommon. Instead, she said that she was not going to answer that question. Her demeanor was totally changed from what I had seen the previous seven-plus years I had been seeing her. She was cold, clearly uncomfortable, and distant. She said she could no longer provide good therapy for me. She, in effect, fired me as a client. This was quite devastating. Every thing I have read, including material written by therapists, said that I should talk about my feelings, and that a good therapist will handle transference well and try to find out what is really behind it. Not this therapist. So I guess she is not a good therapist. I think what she has done is deplorable and unprofessional. She made me out to be the bad guy who victimized her. She emailed me some names of other therapists I could see. But I’m not going to get referrals elsewhere, since the first thing I will discuss with my new therapist is the bad ending with my previous therapist. I don’t want to talk about my experience with someone who is acquainted with my previous therapist. I am in shock.
I'm so sorry this happened. It makes me so cross when I hear about therapists reacting this way, it's completely unprofessional and shows where she's lacking proper training. The feelings you described are so common! I'm glad you're aware that she is the one with the issue rather than your feelings as a lot of clients sadly aren't. As Lonesome said, she clearly can't separate your feelings from her reaction to your feelings so she thinks you're making it about her whereas she is the one making it about her. Therapy stirs up all kinds of feelings for clients about the therapist and a good therapist is trained and emotionally capable of sitting with whatever comes up without taking it personally. I'm glad you're going to see someone else and I agree with Lonesome about mentioning a bad therapy experience to any potential therapist to see how they react. I hope you find a good one next time.
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Thanks for this!
*Beth*, justaname4me2, LonesomeTonight