Dear T,
I feel better knowing that you used to be able to eat anything and not gain weight, too, and haven't been able to do that for like 15 years, even though you're an athlete and very active. I think I just had this image of you having this ideal physique and not being able to identify with the weight gain of slowing metabolism (and being more sedentary, etc.). It's interesting the particular things I feel awkward/ashamed to talk about with you. I think they tend to have to do with the image I have of you in my head. Same with ex-T, in some ways (though I felt more able to talk to her about, say, female cycle stuff, even though you've been fine about that). Hm, I guess drinking is part of that, too, because you've said you were never much of a drinker. But then it made me feel better that you used to smoke. And that you clearly have a coffee addiction.


I wonder if this is something to explore? Not specifically the stuff with you, but maybe there's something in how I see authority figures? Or just my own vision of self compared to others? Like, maybe it would be difficult for me to work with a personal trainer, for example, because I'd feel they wouldn't relate to me, that they were perfect physically? But then...it's not like I look down on people because they aren't good at editing, say... I suppose this is all the perfectionism, feeling I'm not good enough, that everyone will find me lacking because I find myself lacking. And that probably keeps me from doing a lot of things...

Love,
LT