Thanks fuzzy. I grew up with abuse and neglect. I married someone and that turned toxic, then abusive after many years together. My so called family didn't help me get out of that, asked parents if I could go home til I figured my way on my own with youngest in tow, it was flat out no and I managed to get out to a shelter after calling the police. Some years later started seeing men for coffee. Almost gave up and started liking my life, but still longed for real love. This wasn't real love with this man, but I sure know I loved him. I learned that trying to please someone with acts of kindness, loving and trying to accept them for who they are doesn't work. It was so toxic with him but he kept telling me he loved me and I wanted to believe it. I never want another man. I feel all used up but at least I've learned not to trust anyone unless they prove they are worthy of it.