I don't know because I've never been psychotic before. It could just be because I'm severely depressed, but I'm a little worried. I will take this up with my Pdoc, but I wanted to get opinions here as well. I don't have any hallucinations but I think I do have a bunch of the "negative" symptoms that could be early warning signs. I think this has been building up over the past few months.

I can't sleep and I can't think clearly. Having a lot of derealization. Keep losing my train of thought. Having trouble spelling words though I used to be able to write entire essays without needing a spell checker. I'm having trouble thinking of the right words when I'm talking. I'm also very irritable and anxious. I can't muster the energy to behave normally around people anymore.

I'm losing my memory, both short term and long term. I can't remember what I'm doing or what I was about to do for longer than about 5 seconds, and I can't remember things I just did. I usually have great memory, but now I'm forgetting stuff like my passwords or the middle names of my kids, stuff that I would never forget normally. I've resorted to writing my passwords down on a notepad so I don't have to reset them all the time. I forget to take my meds, I forget appointments, stuff that never happens to me otherwise.

I zone out a lot and sometimes I hardly know where I am. I don't think I should be driving anymore. I feel like I'm kind of drifting in and out of consciousness. When people talk to me or ask me a question I sometimes don't register it for a few seconds. Sometimes I'm just "gone" for a while.

I'm having a lot of trouble thinking clearly and concentrating, and I have zero motivation. I don't feel able to do my job anymore but I'm afraid to tell them how bad I'm doing. I'm anhedonic most of the time and I'm too distracted to even read a book or watch tv. I'm severely depressed and I'm alternating between feeling empty and being unable to stop crying. I feel completely alienated from the world and I feel like nobody cares about me, not even my wife.

I keep wanting to say things and then immediately forgetting what it was. I think I may have been saying some weird or inappropriate things sometimes. This has been going on for a while but I thought it was the meds. But now I'm not on any meds anymore except Lamictal.

My entire life feels like a trap that I need to escape from. When I think about the future it makes me desperate and hopeless because I feel like this will never get better. I have a lot of thoughts about SI and hurting myself, but I don't think I'm at risk of doing anything because I couldn't do that to my family. Still, it bothers me. All I want is to be alone and for the days to be over as quickly as possible. But then I can't sleep at night, so there's no escape at all. I seriously wish I could just be put into an artificial coma until this is over. I don't know what to do about it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm about to go crazy, but sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and I think maybe it's the other way around, that I've been crazy and now I'm waking up and about to see my real life.