I also don't think her comment sounds like a mean thing for her to say, or at least I wouldn't have heard it as such.

It depends how we are defining "mean". My therapist is not deliberately unkind in a calculated way. However, she definitely has an unpleasant side to her nature and she has allows this into the room on occasion. She has raised her voice, sworn, told me that she finds it difficult to work with me, etc. This happens when she instinctively moves to care about herself and moves away from caring about me. She owns it and mostly apologises for it. It is hurtful and confusing for me.

Whilst this aspect of her is hard for me to be in relationship with, I also appreciate the real life nature of the interactions. It's a very powerful part of our relationship for me to have experienced the worst of her (and her of me) and for us to still have loving feelings. From the comments in this thread, it seems it is a therapy which wouldn't suit everyone, but it feels human to me. There's something deeply real about how we relate to each other. I know it is a common approach for therapists to take, but hearing about therapists who are only ever kind and caring seems unrealistic to me. How do the gritty parts of the relationship get addressed if they are never shown? I guess they can be shown in un-mean ways. I don't know. Sometimes I think I tolerate too much £hit from her because cruelty and harshness are familiar to me.