My mom asked if I'm OK again and I have a very depressive tone of voice when I speak. I told her that I feel depressed and she said that it's good that I told her.

I said that I keep thinking about what the video chat people said last year and she said "What did they say?" and I said "They said that I'm lost and need to find one thing to live and die for which is stupid" so she said "Well yeah everyone has a passion", I then said "I don't have any passion that I can articulate".. She said that "Medicine is it" and I "Have a lot of knowledge about it".. I suppose that's true.

I said to her that I want to go to school - But COVID so I can do courses online for now.. I just didn't know what to do..

I need to put more faith into myself and trust my own thoughts. A lot of my thoughts aren't even mine - They're intrusive and the opposite of what I think - Just really annoying thoughts that bug me and test me and stir up ****.