My heart is w you, hon. My advice is to get help from a private psychiatrist, if doable. I am not impressed w the NHS for us.

I cannot remember much from one state to another. Memory is not there. I started emailing my depressed self from my hypo self and discovered many great things. I advise doing that now. You need a med change, likely. Reach out.

My bp states are a bit DID-like. Very distinct personalities. Take this chance to interact w yourself. It may help you.

Hugs and love.