Thanks, daffodils. It sure has not seemed like your family has been there for you much at all. You always deserved better. You still do.

I'm so sad this morning. I lost the one person who loved me. I will be alone for what remains of my life. There may be people around me. They won't be people who love me. I probably won't love them either. I had thought that maybe a dog would be enough for me. I don't want a dog. I want who I lost. I want the love that is gone from me. I won't change. I won't recover. I remember the bleakness of my life before I found him. At least then I had youth. I've lost that. If I gained any wisdom - it tells me that overcoming the loneliness of being without love takes more than I can come up with.

Every day lately I've felt tortured by grief and anxiety. I see no end to this. What is going to become of me? Faith in anything has deserted me. With these kind of thoughts, I don't even deserve to hope. I'm in h*e*l*l before I'm even dead. I'm sorry.