Why did you get married if you have these concerns?.... not trying to be rude, Im asking genuinely if the marriage itself was a security for you but it is still not enough and you still think she may leave? I think it’s unfair to say she is deflecting onto you when YOU have the abandonment struggles... I am going to assume she’s tried to work with you before, based off of what you said but I can also imagine it must be frustrating and unfair to have to change everything you do, say, dress because you think she may be cheating on you..... it seems really unhealthy...on both ends. I hope you both can get the help you need best of luck.