I’m trying very hard to keep sane despite what’s happening in the world right now. I’m ashamed to say, I’m beginning to find video therapy quite painful; it highlights, a bit too well, the limitations of our relationship. He’s free to meet friends, family, get a haircut, go to a restaurant/pub, go on holiday etc., but he’s still not seeing clients face to face. We’ve spoken about this and my feelings around it, but he’s being kind of vague. I know he’ll go back to seeing people f2f again, but I worry about how long it’s going to take. Obviously, the logical part of me is ok with it, because at the end of the day, it is safer and probably the right thing to do. He keeps mentioning that he’ll open his practice “soon”, but “soon” comes and goes without another mention of it. I feel like I keep getting my hopes up and then they get dashed again.

I feel like I need to reconnect with him and in order to do that, I need to accept video therapy and make the most of it. The last few sessions I was so hung up on when f2f will resume, that talking about anything other than that felt beside the point. I hinted at this, but if he noticed he didn’t make it easy to explore it more. Maybe I’m starting to be annoying. I need to lay off for a while and focus on something else. When I’m in a better mood, telling myself that “this is temporary, imagine how good it’ll feel when you go back to his office” helps. It fills me with hope that things will change for the better and we’ll be in the same room again. But then I see the news and my hopes get dashed. I feel like I’m in a constant state or anxiety and I’m not sure what I can do to not see this change as permanent, but rather as a temporary solution which is what it is.