P Phil. at first you sounded like me but then you talked about the cello and writing, that was that. you sound so gifted. I'm sorry you are struggling w/depression. I do the same and and have dysthymic depression and just got over some pychosis with Geodon. I'm up to 80mg and i feel so much better. but you know different folks, diff strokes. I'm thinking of you and hope you will get over this hump..............pj56...............janet