Quote:
Originally Posted by Merope
Thank you. You’re right, it is the uncertainty. I feel like it’s personal even though it’s not. I know for a fact that my T isn’t personally worried about covid as he’s fit. He’s said this numerous times. He keeps saying “X weeks away” in an encouraging way, but then X weeks pass and not another mention. I think he definitely will go back to f2f—sometimes when he speaks of future sessions he speaks as if they’ll be f2f. But at the same time, it’s almost like something is holding him up.
I guess he’s probably comfortable as well, it’s not like he yearns to be in my presence like i yearn to be in his. Plus I think most of his other clients might be in therapy short term and care less about the connection. I worry sometimes that I’m his neediest, most annoying client.
I’m not moaning about his decisions-I realise there’s probably a lot of work in reopening ones practice for face to face sessions...I just wish he could be a bit more reassuring that it will happen at some point? At the same time I don’t know if I can ask for that. I feel like I’m being unreasonable about this, I just can’t switch the feelings off.
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I understand these feelings. But while he may not be worried about contracting Covid himself, he may be concerned for his other clients--I imagine he has at least some who are over 60 and/or have preexisting conditions that could make them more susceptible. And he wouldn't want to risk infecting a client. Or he may have family members who are more at risk.
My T is also very physically fit and is 50, so not in the risky age range. Yet he seems pretty anxious about Covid (I have no idea if his wife or son have any conditions that would make it riskier). He's mentioned reading the guidelines that the APA has put out for reopening an office and has said it seems so daunting that he couldn't see doing that right now. Including things like waivers that clients would have to sign, disinfecting the office, both he and client having to wear masks (current state requirements), etc.
I said if we'd both have to wear masks, I might prefer to continue with teletherapy, if that's still an option. Partly because of the not seeing full faces and partly because I tend to cry during therapy, sometimes quite a bit, so how does that work if I have to blow my nose? He agreed and said that he didn't see how it could be entirely safe (from his perspective) unless there was, say, a plexiglas shield between him and his client.
What he has said is "This is how it is for now." He hasn't given any sort of timeline for return, except when I asked him in maybe June, and he said he couldn't see coming back anytime before late August (obviously, that didn't happen). Now he isn't trying to predict, which I almost find to be easier? I wonder if maybe your T is doing you a disservice by saying the "in x weeks, I'll reopen in person." Maybe it would be better if he just said, "Once I know for sure, I'll tell you."
I do think it would be good to talk to him about these feelings. Maybe there's something he can do to help with the connection over video, too.