That sounds promising.

More later. (Might be a LOT later)

Actually, no, better write some things down while it's fresh. The 'being dominated' part - that was my feeling with my mother when there was a conflict. That I can never win and am completely powerless no matter how hard I try to fight. Although for me it was a recurring thing over a long period of time, rather than a one-time extreme (I imagine) trauma.

Shame - for me, a lot of it comes from my mother, in various ways. Partly by actual shaming, but also by example of the way she often talks about herself, and this is where I stop off and come back to it later. I think what I got is more a propensity to shame, a lack of self-worth (or a compulsive denial of my own self-worth?), the general idea that some people are so bad that they're not really people at all and in fact shouldn't even exist in the first place., and deep-rooted fear that I'm one of those people.

ETA: actually, constantly ending up on the losing side of every conflict, and any sort of abuse, also tends to generate shame. Especially if you continue to depend on the person, like a child would.

There's a religious aspect I think - my maternal grandfather was a pastor, and although my mother ended up fiercely anti-religious, and I'm not religious either, but some seeds were planted for sure. Like her seeing every failure and mistake as a moral failing and a reflection on her character, which is something that I also do in a slightly different form.