Hi, stahrgeyzer, I'm sorry you are hurting so much. This seems more like a real grief, like when a loved one dies. I don't know if you should email her again or not. But I feel you maybe should have some therapy with a grief counselor, or in a grief support group. This kind of sorrow & pain can be experienced with many different kinds of deeply felt losses, such as after a divorce or when an adored pet passes away, or when important people in our lives move far away, even after losing a job. I hope you can somehow receive help from somewhere. God bless you.