Thank you everyone for your support. Puckyjan56, I actually am now on 120 mg. of Geodon and am decreasing. They used to think I was either Bipolar, Schizophrenic or Schizoaffective, but all those have proved to be untrue. I have had at least a few episodes of Major Depression though, with mild or moderate depression in between even when I was and am medicated. Usually I peak in depression just after I (TRIGGER!!!) attempt suicide but always return to a baseline misery. That seems a lot like Dysthimia now that I think about it. I had no idea you could have psychosis with that...

Ah, diagnoses. Always a source of considerable confusion in my case. That's why I tend to stay away from them. I've only started in cello and am learning only the technical basics in terms of form, but it's enjoyable. Writing of course is always a joy, even if it's utterly destroyed in my mind by low self esteem and self hate. At least I don't think everyone is disgusting anymore and that I hate all people. It's like that Monty Python song, "Always look on the bright side of life" even if you can't see anything bright. Mandy says I need to get the word 'can't' out of my vocabulary. She's convinced I can do anything. Then again, she does have a mental illness of her own...hmmm...

Just kidding. Most other people tell me that to. I never believe them either. Maybe I should...