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Originally Posted by divine1966
He needs individual therapy to learn how to communicate. I worry his habits of passive aggressive jabs will be hard to break if that’s how he always speaks. If he is concerned about drinking (not saying he should but hypothetically) proper way to be to say that he is concerned about day drinking or amount of it or what not. Saying “surprise surprise” is rude and passive aggressive. It’s my pet peeve. Just speak directly what bothers you!
If he spoke like this for 48 years, not sure how he’ll change. My dad speaks like this. My brother and I cannot stand it. My brother always asks “what exactly do you mean” which often results in more jabs and sometimes makes him to back off. I started to always play grey rock because it doesn’t seem to improve when confronted what I used to do. Me and my brother alternate our strategies but luckily we don’t live with him.
I just can’t stand this nonsense.
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I hear you - I can't stand it either.
I confronted him further on all issues I've brought up on here lately. I told him I WILL leave him IF these things don't improve and change. I have my doubts, but he's willing and is trying to make behavioral changes.
We have yet to line up a couples therapist. I don't trust that he would know what to bring to individual therapy without specific guidance from me. I don't want to have to interject into each of his individual therapy sessions. He needs to have me point out each issue for him, and I feel the best avenue for us is through couples therapy, at least to start with. Perhaps after a while he could then attend individual therapy once he is fully aware of all the issues that cause problems in our marriage.