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sarahsweets · Sep 15, 2020, 05:56 AM

I think the reason I feel strongly about this is more of a general thing. In the op and other posts you didn’t say anything about dancing and hanging out with other men. I do not go searching each posters profile to see if they have written about the situation they are currently posting about. I do not look for clues about an op I read the post I’m looking at and share what I can. Without the details regarding dancing with other men I felt strongly about women being able to dress as they see fit. Like I said, I like looking nice. I don’t tend to wear extremely revealing things but I would guess based on some opinions here and different styles people have, that they might feel that my style is “to attract men, have power, seek attention, or fear that I’m getting old and won’t be attractive.” It isn’t. I dress for me, I feel good when I look nice. The idea of blaming women for men’s bad behavior and the sexualization of our bodies is not fair. It harkens back to the idea that women are sluts and men are studs. Men should be taught that THEY need to control themselves and they are not uncontrollable sex maniacs that can’t help themselves when a pretty woman walks by. I don’t know if I’m considered good looking or not but I’ve been cat called before. You know what I do when that happens? I turn around and give them the finger. Or if it’s something that regularly happens by the same men in the same place I might go talk to them and tell them how uncomfortable I am. Worse case scenario I’ll talk to their supervisor. I imagine that it would curtail them, because they must be human enough to hear when someone is uncomfortable and try and fix it.

As far as the OP goes I agree with @divine1966. It is not ok to go out with girlfriends and other men dancing and drinking. Of course she had an agenda anyone can see that. She doesn’t seem to have any regard for her marriage or husband.
With that in mind I wonder why the marriage went forward with the marriage? I disagree that the OP has abandonment issues. Who wouldn’t be upset with that situation? To me, someone with abandonment issues is completely codependent on their partner with intense jealousy and behavior that may be irrational, unwarranted or full of drama and emotions, and wanting to control their partner.

To the op (guy) I don’t think you have abandonment issues. I don’t think you are being fair to yourself. You have legitimate concerns and I think she may have walked the cheating line already. Please don’t blame yourself. She is totally invalidating your feelings and trying to flip the script on you and manipulate you into thinking there is something wrong with you. I don’t think couples counseling will help because she already doesn’t see that she’s wrong. I do think you would benefit from therapy if you aren’t in it already. A good relationship therapist should help you work out appropriate strategies to cope with this and decision making skills.