"Why can you not forgive yourself?"

Because some things cannot be forgiven, nor should they be. I don't know about anyone else; I just cannot live with it any longer, and there really is no hope in the future for a change simply because I long ago crossed the point of no return. I know it's coming, and I've got some ideas about how; I just don't know when. Pretty sure it will be from rage-induced impulsivity.

lmao Someone asked me if I was an incel the other day. Wtf. You have to want to pursue someone in order to be rejected, and I recoil from the idea of any social interaction because I already am 99% sure that any one now entering my life is an agent of the Pattern and attempting to lure me out far enough to get a laugh at my expense at the inevitable fall.

No, thanks. I'm just going to keep withdrawing and whatever happens happens because I already know how this story ends, and it doesn't involve rainbows and unicorn farts.