Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated
I am starting this thread in the hope people will please share experiences and insights into how they have developed friendships in nature adulthood.
In my experience it gets harder as we age and many people are already in established friendship groups and not necessarily open to new friends (although they may like the person).
I am not talking about how to meet people but rather how we develop those friendships - this is actually the bit I find difficult so in the past I have had acquaintances but not friends really. I am working on this and trying to develop new friendships but it's not always easy.
Thoughts?
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You know what's funny? I feel like I've developed friendships in my late 30s and early 40s more easily than I ever did. It's important to understand the progression of friendship. First it will be superficial with shared interests. Then with more sharing of time and personal information, you will share more of your core identity. Some people you will get very close with, they will know you and your inner thoughts. Others will just be friends that you do activities with.
For me, the friends that have become very close, it's really just been taking the time to hang out, get to know each other, take it slow, and let it build. My best friend I met here on PC in 2017. We started out as anonymous people. Now we have actually hung out in person, besides video calls frequently and doing the Netflix party thing.
Another example, at the beginning of the pandemic I met a woman through Nextdoor. We live in the same complex and arranged doggy playdates for our dogs. Once a week turned into twice a week turned into every day, turned into gardening jaunts together, and now she actually works with me and is a great friend. (She's texting me now, lol.)
I have a nextdoor neighbor who is older and is trying to connect. I'm trying to make time to engage with her and get to know her. She joins me on dog walks occasionally.
I think you have to take it slowly at first and really make sure they are someone you are comfortable opening up to. Friendships don't grow over night. Also, it's important to look for people who are also looking for friendships.
I think it's also important to be comfortable with yourself. If you approach a new friendship like you're looking just for someone to lean on, that might not go off well with someone who is looking for a friend too. People don't want to be a stand in therapist. So just be careful that your time with new friends isn't all about getting support. Not saying this is you, but I think we often get lonely and then as adults come off more needy when we try to build friendships.
Hope this helps.