I want to add that I have been worrying about one or another persons I love committing sui. since I was like 14 yrs old. First my dad, then brothers, then husband, now son. That’s like 30 continuous years. Both my parents tried it..my mom as a teen, which she told me about when I was young, and my dad tried a few times. My husband came very close to following through.

It’s so painful and scary. My heart has all the size needed to love them through it but the anxiety from it becomes it’s own beast.

I really need the biggest hug.

The agony I have heard from my dad and brothers haunts me at times. The terror I experienced from thinking everyday for several months straight that I would find my husband..
And now my precious son. I can’t fix it and it’s so hard to accept.