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Taxing my mind on any work project and overanalyizing - both leading to being spun out and often trigger an episode....
I sure relate to that! It seems to me that those tendencies are a hallmark of BD.
I recently redecorated my apartment. I had several pieces of furniture to assemble. I'm pretty sure that neurotypicals would spread the assembly work over a period of time...maybe 5 or 6 days, or even longer. I started out with a determination to assemble as much as I could, as fast as I could.
I put on some music and went to work. By the fifth hour I was...crazy. I was drenched in sweat from working so hard, I was so wound up I could have been my own one-woman assembly line. The faster I worked, the faster I worked.
The following morning I was convinced that Nazis were holding my therapist hostage in her home. That was a whole scenario. I was destabilized. Having suicidal thoughts (not plans, but the thoughts were an intrusion, as though a switch had been turned on). My therapist gave me homework to find a positive statement. I found 8 and they all seemed to jumble together. There was one in particular that had so much meaning I felt it could save everyone and every thing. I was surprised when my therapist didn't seem as astounded by it as I was. I had records (music) playing in my mind to the point at which I felt like crying.
I ended up asking my pdoc to increase my Lamictal dose. She did, and I'm feeling much more centered and stable.
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