You were struggling yourself. Please don't blame yourself that much. You couldn't know. You also needed help. Unfortunately when our parents struggle, we as children struggle as well. That is not anyone's fault. It simply happened. Please take ALL the time you need to cope with this AWFUL Loss! Losing a child is one of the most horrible things that can happen to a parent, easily the most terrible. Take some deep breaths, make some free time for yourself, spend some time with your daughter or other Loved ones, cook something nice for yourself, remember that you did what you could and what you've felt like it was the best thing to do. I am so Sorry for your Loss! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Aviza, your Family, your friends, your daughter and ALL of your Loved ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!