(((((((((((( youOme )))))))))))))

Let me start by saying I have been in the same shoes you are now standing on. I'm going to be very forthright with you right now. I pray you understand that what I'm about to say is said out of concern and compassion. It is not meant to make you feel badly about yourself or your decisions...it is only meant to help you open your eyes to possibilities......

First of all, living with an alcoholic is a most difficult and painful experience both for you and for your children. The alcoholic knows how to play the game better than you do. They can control how you react, the control how you think, they control how you feel about yourself. I think I know how you are feeling at this point....and maybe because you are trying to be strong or maybe because you are in denial you may not be willing to think abou this............You feel lower than pondscum. You can fight back all you want to physically and with hurtful words, but I can tell you, they fall on deaf ears and the body forgets (his does). When you feel lower than pondscum, you become depressed and think that there is no way out of a bad situation. I can attest that that is completely untrue!!

The alcoholic has a way of turning everything around to being your fault. In his mind he cannot accept that anything he does could possibly be wrong or his fault when something does go wrong....so it must be your fault. WRONG!!!!

You and I are enablers. Plain and simple. Hard fact to accept but it is very true. We can be enablers, but not for the alcoholic. We can enable OURSELVES to find the strength to do what we need to do for ourselves and our children no matter how hard it may be. Believe me, staying in this situation when your husband is not receiving help or trying to change his behaviors and dealing with his addiction is far more difficult than doing what you need to do to be safe.

You do not deserve to be hit....to be emotionally abused...to be verbally assaulted. What you do deserve, is to take control of your world and your childrens world. I, myself, had many false starts when it came time to step up and make the hard decisions. Until I felt stronger, I left, came back, kicked him out, let him back etc etc. It never solved a thing...in fact, made things more difficult. The final act for me was the choking.....that is when I finally came to my senses and realized that I did not want to live the rest of my life under these conditions. Plain and simple...it just wasn't going to happen anymore. I finished the relationship, divorced and moved on in my life. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my kids.

I hope you find the strength to figure out what you need to do at this point in your life. Ignore what he has told you and listen to your gut instinct. Meditate on it if you have to. I understand that friends and family don't have more to say right now when you go to them with this problem. They are probably feeling very useless to help you now. If they have heard you complain many times and have done nothing to help yourself (and I'm not blaming you for this) they are now at a loss at what more they can do or say to help you. If you decide to make a change, then ask for help if need be....discuss with a trusted loved one what you want to do and brainstorm if need be on how to accomplish your goal. At that point, when they see you are serious about making changes, they will be in a better position to help you follow through on those changes. I hope that makes sense to you.

Above all......listen to your gut! Wishing you well and sending you strength.


sabby